My new tablet + venting

I'm so excited! I now have a tablet ~

My brother gave my mom a Galaxy Tab A7 Lite for Christmas last year, but she ended up not using it at all, and since I needed something to help me study for entrance exams because my PC is BEGGING for retirement, she gave it to me! ~ 

I left my Languages major because I didn't like it at all, and now I'm studying to apply for a Film major because I realized how much I want to become a filmmaker and work within the film industry as a whole. Maybe I've never mentioned it in here, but cinema is one of my biggest passions, like, ever. I love it to the point that I start to cry if I talk further about how special it is to me.

I actually hate studying, specially because I have some learning disorders regarding numbers and math, but one must do sacrifices to reach certain goals, and that's what I should do if I want to become David Lynch's heiress on neosurrealism cinema.

However, making things cute definitely help me with feeling more motivated and studying less boring!

So I went on to customize the interface ~

I got these backgrounds on Tumblr and they are the CUTEST THING EVER, but unfortunately I couldn't find the artist who made them! If you know it, please leave a comment down below so I can give proper credits to the artist!

I used the same MA*RS widgets I have on my phone and sticky notes widgets from an app called Cute Nota, plus a Notion widget for easy access to my homepage (might do a Notion tour later!).

I have yet to get a case though. I really want those with a keyboard so I can simulate a laptop. So I'm resisting to the feminine urge of putting stickers all over it!

Now this is a vent about being mentally ill.

Getting your meds is always so difficult. By the time they actually start to make a difference, you run out of them and you need to schedule an appointment with the psychiatrist again, otherwise you can't get new meds.

This is so stressing and takes so much time and money.

If I spend a few days without my medicine, I can be really depressed, anxious and delusional, as I have a condition yet to be considered a mental illness on its own called Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (or MDD). There ain't much research on the matter and therefore no specific medication. I depend on antidepressants as Lexapro.

I really wish I had money to afford being at a mental institution for a few months and focus solely on my healing and take medications with no interruptions.

Because I ran out of Lexapro, I'm now taking a backup of Zoloft, which isn't as nearly as good as Lexapro for me. Adapting to a new medication is just as brutal.

My countless mental issues and traumas are once again harming those I love and I'm becoming more and more isolated and lonely in order to stop hurting people.

I'm tired, Zoloft makes me a little numb, and my anxiety peaks a few times a day.

It's really tough.

But I have no choice other than keep going...