Thoughts and confessions after 7 years of being gal + my coming out story

 

Last September, I marked 7 years of being gal.

My timeline with gyaru is a bit more complicated than that though. I first heard about it when I was about 13 back in 2011 and immediately fell in love with it (though I wasn't much into the bolder styles as yamanba, but that was mostly my immaturity back then lol). I then got in Facebook groups about gal, made my first blog, downloaded Popteen scans monthly and had Kumicky and Tsubasa as my biggest idols. My first attempts weren't so great. I had a hard time putting on lashes, good and affordable makeup wasn't easily found back then and I had the parents + money factors straying me away from it.

So, for a while, I tried to hate gyaru  I thought that if I convinced myself that I hated it enough, I'd let go of it more easily. It never truly worked out though. Deep inside I always had pure admiration for gals and still loved doing decoden on everything I could. If you read this blog for long enough, then you probably remember that I was a pinup for some time, but I was never truly happy with it. 

Then in 2018 I decided to give it a shot once again, and I will never regret that. I don't think there's anything I love just as I love gal and being gal.  I quit pinup fashion for good in 2021 and dedicated myself to being a full time gal. I got really serious about it. My transition rite was shaving off my brows. 

2022 was my peak as a gal. I could do my makeup everyday unless I decided I did not want to, and therefore I would blog very often. I could experiment and play around until I found out what works best for me. Life was beautiful back then  But then I was fired and a few months later I started working at a place with a very strict dress code.

I won't get in details because a lot happened between 2023 and now. But I'd like to say that, even though my peak was long ago, I'm so grateful for everything I've conquered. Although not a big collection, I have more brand than I could have ever dreamed of. I couldn't ask for a better gyarusa and gal friends. I perfected my makeup in ways I'd never thought it was possible. When someone says I'm a veteran to look up to and go after me for advice... I can't help but think of the 13 year old girl who dreamed of having it all. It was just a dream and look at her now.

However...

I believe that being a gal means always willing to learn and improve. There's always room for that. I don't think I can go anywhere farther with my makeup now, so before I get into my 8th year, I'd like to stop fooling around and get my shit together with...

Hairstyling

I've always had a deep hatred with doing anything with my hair. It's so heavy and thick, it's almost impossible. I try to hide my lack of skills with accessories and a bit of teasing here and there but I truly suck at hairstyling for someone who's almost a decade old gal. It's one of the reasons I quit pinup too! Hair is as important for pinups as makeup is for gal, and I'd get so frustrated with attempting to replicate victory rolls and pin curls. If I wanted Rita Hayworth-like hair, it would take me hours and my mom's help.

I don't like my hair. I only wash it with shampoo and conditioner and SOMETIMES I give it some mask treatment. The frizz is just like Miley Cyrus: can't be tamed. Even wearing wigs is a burden because it's so difficult to hide it under a cap. 

But you know what else was a burden for me 7 years ago? PUTTING ON LASHES.

I didn't want to shave my brows because I was afraid I wouldn't know what do. It took me a long time to master nose contour. So I'm confident that I can fix my hairstyling problem! I'm gonna get s-e-r-i-o-u-s as fuuuuuck about it and surprise myself once again!!! 

I'm not dying it though. I'd destroy it to the point of no return because it is so dark that it doesn't turn blonde just by bleaching once or twice, and when I dyed half of it in red in high school I needed at least two boxes. For half of it. It's harmful and expensive  BUUUUT I'm willing to find a hairdresser who could do colored extensions like these: 

And also get a layered cut, of course! I think that could help me a lot and I'd have gal hair even without a hairstyle!

Now this is about to get very personal, but I really wanted to talk about it...

Last year, I finally came in terms with my sexuality. To be fair, it is still an on going process.

Ever since I was a child, I knew I was attracted to girls. But I've always dreamed of a traditional household, a partner and kids. One of my biggest goals in life is to get married and be a mom. And because I had a boyfriend for 6 years, between high school and my early 20s, and have a few fictional male characters I'm obsessed, I always considered myself a bisexual.

Growing up with the notion that I like girls was far from easy, as my parents, especially my mother, are quite homophobic. I was never repulsed by it, though. I was just concerned that I wouldn't be as happy with a woman, and that the whole process of achieving my dreams would be a lot more difficult. It's not impossible to have a happy married life with kids while being in a sapphic relationship – it's just more challenging and expensive.

When I realized that I do not like men at all, that fangirling over Batman has absolute no impact in my romantic or sexual life, and that I was pushing myself to like them only to have a chance, it was like my whole world fell apart. I know accepting yourself is freeing, but I had to grieve for the person I thought I was. I was never the person I knew for my whole life, and unmasking yourself can be quite a task.

That being said, I'm nowhere near achieving that goal. I'm reaching my 30s and still single with no one in sight, and after all those years of being single, I realized how difficult it is for me to find and date someone. Not for lack of attraction, but because I just SUCK at this social skill, even though I'm a hopeless romantic. So I'm trying to build a life where I can afford being a mother on my own. 

I haven't come out to my parents yet. Maybe I'll never will, if I remain single. It is still difficult for me to fully accept the fact, although not repulsed. This is all very new to me, as I was always the one who was so determined to find a husband who'd bless me with my kids. I'm aware that there are beautiful lesbian households out there though, and I can't help but envy them! 

I frequently doubt myself, if I'd stay true to myself if a man proposed to me and I saw the chance right in front of my nose. It's a lot more convenient, y'know?

Ugh, I'm gonna stop talking because my eyes are tearing up a bit 

Enough talking!!! Too much already 

I'm gonna try sock curls and read a lot of hair tutorials in the magazines... Do the same thing I did for makeup, all over again, but with hair this time! 

I'm excited for my 8th year. I thought that I'd come back to pinup after turning 30, but it seems like it won't happen that way. Maybe after my 40s we

A comeback... Maybe?

 

Long time no see!

2025 was a tough year for me... Except for Twitter, I was straying myself from most social media as much as I could. Also, the fact that I'm not able to do my makeup everyday anymore kinda unmotivated me to blog... I don't feel like I'm a good gal anymore, y'know? 

So let's do a recap...

2025 was a... Bad year for me, to say the least.

Financially-wise, I was going through a really hard time for most of it. I only had enough money for my rent and some food. Yes, some. To the point that there were days where I literally starved. One of the reasons I stopped doing my makeup everyday is that I would worry if I'd run out of it, because I would not be able to afford new products. 

Then in mid July I started working at a new place and it paid me a little better, but I get in my shift as early as 7AM and if I'm going to do my makeup, even if it's more toned down, I need an hour at least. And I'm not waking up at 3, y'know? And there were a lot of shit in my personal life too, I just wasn't in a good place mentally and personally.

So yeah, I quit being a gal who does her makeup everyday...  and I miss that greatly. When I see my old photos and posts from when I worked at The Body Shop, I get SO nostalgic, but also, I'm not in my early 20's anymore. 

Like in my gyarusa, we're often too busy with our health issues, careers and families. Larie just had her second child, for example. As much as we all love gal, adult life can often come in our way and we can't live it the same way as we did a decade ago.

So that's why I'm trying to surround me with stuff that enrich my gal lifestyle. My desk at the office can be seen from far just from how pink and cute it looks, even my mug has a charm on the handle. My bag is heavy af from so many charms and keychains. I'm exploring EDM albums at GalRevo. And it's also why I decided to come back blogging! 

A tiny peek on my office life

I'm going to be very honest too, I'm not going to post as much as I'd like to, bc (big news) I'm starting remote college soon!  I'm finally enrolling film school, and even though it's not the kind of degree I dreamed of, it's still film school. College in Brazil is far different from the rest of the world so I won't get in details, but I can't afford the Bacherlor's Degree. What I'll be doing is a biiiiit similar to an Associate Degree but... It's not that either. Lmao

AAAANDDDDD...

I got myself a laptop! Which motivated me to post again! 

I left some empty spaces for stickers I don't have yet!

I plan on posting at least once a month, also because I'm now fully dressing up about twice a month. But idk I wanna show the stuff I buy too. The Suntan Hello Kitty collection from last summer at Daiso just landed for our summer here in LATAM! I'm trying to get as many products I can because Tan Kitty is the Best Kitty!  My brother is bringing me a mini figure from the US too, as he's coming to Brazil next month (in case you didn't know, part of my family is Stateside).

Turns out I didn't buy the drawstring bag... It was way more than expensive than the other products and I don't think a bag made out of cheap fabric should cost that 

Yesterday I took my day off to create some stuff with Canva and I made myself a wallpaper for my laptop because I wasn't satisfied with anything I found online and I was so happy with how it turned out! I even included some selfies with my Gyarusa  Featuring my ultimate Gal inspo... Sakurai Rina-sama 

And just before wrapping up this post... Here's my favorite look from last year!

I hope to see you soon! 

Weekend ~

 

Last Saturday was so fun! 

I  had a meet-up with my gyarusa at Bairro da Liberdade (FIY: São Paulo's own Little Tokyo)!

It was right after my shift, and my first stop was at the Kyoto Cafe & Restaurant, which is my favorite restaurant at Liberdade atm and I met Vicky there. I had kara age with bittersweet sauce and gohan, and this super cute drink called Cool that consists of soda, lychee syrup, a lemon slice and a duck-shaped marshmallow! 

Vicky and I had our lunches and gossiped a little  then we proceed to go check out  some makeup stores and later on we met with Akei at Pink Inc., a newly open claw machine arcade! I'm a huge claw machine enthusiast, not really one of those people who always get to catch the plushies, but my collection is slowly growing! 

The place itself is super cute and has two spots to take pictures, but it was so crowded that I started feeling a bit anxious and overwhelmed after a while  They also has a coffee shop (that was closed while we were there, unfortunately) and the staff is extremely friendly and kind. Will definitely come back someday (during business days ww)

This time I could only get one plushie but I'm super happy with it because it was my favorite among the options! 

It's a super cute sheep! I named her Debora 

Akei gave me that adorable Precure bag (and the bead bracelet as well)! 

Now I know how the alien toys from Toy Story feel 

Later on, we met Ronron at Starbucks. She was doing her nails so she was the last one to arrive 

Larie was also supposed to come, but unfortunately her baby fell sick that morning 

Ronron's nails are themed with her favorite soccer team 

Then, we went to Daiso, but as soon as we got there, I heard "Hotaru no Hikari" and I was like

WE GOTTA RUN 

I didn't get anything really interesting this time ww just an eyelash curler.

We finished our day at McDonald's because Ronron was hungry and everything else was already closed ww

I had so much fun meeting up with my gyarusa! I haven't seen Vicky and Akei for a few months now and I missed them a lot! 

Also, it was strange to see that gyaru became so popular again that people easily recognize us as gals. The barista at Starbucks said that she herself is a gal but she was under the company's dress code at that moment. I was curious to see her in her true self... 

Dress: Shein

Acce, belt and shoes: Off-Brand

Bag: 

 Koakuma Ageha "Fairy eye"

 Off-brand

 ColourPop Strawberry Shake palette

 Dior Lip Glow in "Holo Pink"